President Obama has allegedly issued an official apology for the Healthcare.gov website fiasco, in the form of a recorded message on the system’s customer service telephone line.
Except it’s not the President’s voice you hear. It is the voice of God.
Don’t worry—not the real God. The Morgan Freeman version.
This according to the popular podcast “Monkey Radio with Marc” which alleged that the show dialed the number for the Healthcare.gov customer service help line and was confronted with a four-minute preamble recorded message, seeming to be voiced by actor Morgan Freeman, who played God in the Jim Carrey blockbuster film “Bruce Almighty.”
Below is a transcript of the message that will be heard on the November 14th, 2013 show, which shockingly suggests the alleged voice of Freeman was commissioned by Obama because the actor is an African-American, like the President, and “old”, which makes an apology more palatable. What’s even more surprising: the message promises an ice-cold beer at any market, courtesy of the US Government, as a courtesy for the public’s “understanding” for the troubles the healthcare website system scandal has instigated. Perhaps a nod to a scene from Freeman’s film “Shawshank Redemption”, in which a character convinces prison officials to supply prisoners with cold beer to motivate them to work harder, the suggestion that Americans might be prisoners to this website disaster cannot be ignored. Not to mention the cost and infrastructure required to execute such a massive alcohol distribution project would be massive and counterproductive to the economics of the health care system.
Could this apology recording be real? Should we refer to it as “Apologygate”? Needless to say, if the story is true, and if Freeman did actually voice the message (it indeed might not actually be Freeman), this is an extraordinary and controversially unprecedented approach to a mea culpa from a sitting president and clearly a move that was made in spite of the likely objections of advisors and a true nightmare for public relations consultants. You have to hand it to Obama for some guts.
Now, it may be Morgan Freeman who is everywhere.
Transcript, courtesy of the “Monkey Radio with Marc” podcast
HELLO AND WELCOME TO HEALTHCARE DOT GOV
IN CASE YOU DIDN’T IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZE THE ICONIC VOICE, THIS IS MORGAN FREEMAN, ACTOR, ARTIST, PRETTY MUCH THE VOICE OF A GENERATION.
THAT IS WHY I AM THE VOICE OF THIS PREAMBLE TO THE HEALTHCARE TELEPHONE SYSTEM. I AM HERE HAVING BEEN COMMISSIONED BY PRESIDENT OBAMA TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE HORRIFIC LAUNCH OF THE HEALTHCARE WEBSITE AND SERVICES YOU MAY ASK—WHY MORGAN FREEMAN. WELL, LET ME TELL YOU. I HAVE BEEN IN MANY MOVIES, LIKELY ONE YOU HAVE SEEN. PERHAPS YOU REMEMBER SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, OR DRIVING MISS DAISY? OR BATMAN. OR WHEN I PLAYED GOD, OR TALK A BOUT PENGUINS. IF YOU’VE SEEN IT, IVE PROBABLY HAD A HAND IN IT. PLUS, I’M BLACK, LIKE THE PRESIDENT, AND IM OLD. WHEN YOU’RE MAING AN APOLOGY, BEN OLD MIGHT NOT BE THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. SO, IM WISE, AND IM TRUSTWORTHY. LIKE I SAID, I’VE PLAYED GOD. SO YOU CAN TRUST ME.
PRESIDENT OBAMA, LET’S CALL HIM BARACK, SINCE WE’RE APOLOGIZNG’, IS VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY SORRY THAT HE MADE SO MANY PROMISES WHICH SEEM TO NOT BE COMING TRUE. YOU SEE, HE HAD HOPS FOR CHANGE. TO BRING HEALTHCARE TO MILLIONS, LEAVE A LEGACY OF HIS PRESIDENCY THAT WAS ABOUT HOPE AND MAKING THINGS A LITTLE BETTER. BARACK OR HARD, EVERY DAY, TRYING TO ARGUE HIS WAY TOWARD THAT END. FINALLY IT LOOKED LIKE THERE WAS HOPE. HE CARVED OUT A SOLUTION AND MY SOME GRACE OF GOD, THE REAL GOD, NOT ME, IT BECAME A LAW. AND IT SEEMED, FOR NOW, THAT BARACK’S HOPES WERE BECOMING REALITY.
NOW, IT MAY SEEM LIKE THIS APOLOGY IS A BIT LENGTHY, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING NOW, LET’S GET TO THE PHONE PROMPTS SO I CAN GET MY IN-SURANCE. NOW, DON’T BE SO HASTY—I’M BLACK, IM OLD, AND I PLAYED GOD IN A MOVIE.
WHEN THE HEALTHCARE DOT GOV SYSTEM CAME ONLINE, IT WASN’T PERFECT. BARACK, HAD BEEN BAMBOOZLED. AND EVEN THOUGH HE HAD TRUSTED THOSE EMPOWERED TO MAKE HIS PROMISES BECOME REALITY, THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM HAD FAILED. BUT IT WAS BARACK WHO TOOK THE HEAT. HE NEVER HAS CLAIMED HE WAS A COMPUTER PROGRAMMER. HE NEVER SAID IT WOULD BE PERFECT. BUT NOW, SO MANY PEOPLE HAS TRUSTED HIM THAT THEY JUMPED THE GUN, AND NOW THEY THEY HAVE NO .
POOR BARACK—TRYIN’ TO DO A GOOD THING, ENDS UP WITH MUD ALL OVER HIM. SO WHAT DID HE DO? HE BOUGHT EVERYONE AN ICE COLD BEER, HIRED ME, MORGAN FREEMAN, AND HID IN A CLOSET FOR THREE DAYS. SO NOW, HE APOLOGIZES. THROUGH MY VOICE. MORGAN FREEMAN. WE’D LIKE YOU TO KNOW THAT WE’RE VERY VERY VERY SORRY FOR ALL THE TROUBLE YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH WITH BARACK’S HEALTH CARE INITIATIVE. SO ENJOY MY VOICE, GO TO YOUR LOCAL PIGGLY WIGGLY OR WHATEVER MARKET YOU SHOP, AND JUST ASK FOR YOUR FREE ICE COLD BEER, COURTESY OF OF BARACK OBAMA. ITS HIS WAY OF SAYIN’ THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING. AND JUST HANG IN THERE. DRINK YOUR BEER, TINK OF PENGUINS AND TRY NOT TO GET SICK.